we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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