we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
