So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I got inside last night via doggy door
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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