can u get pink eye on your cock?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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