The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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