I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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