dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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