after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
