just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
