I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
