Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
