just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
