I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You ruined the universe
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