dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
