my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
