I'm gonna have a badass scar
My brain says no but my pants say off.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
