one word: firstdatebathroomanal
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
