did you get engaged???
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
