I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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