The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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