I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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