I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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