I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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