Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
