If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
