nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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