Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
