I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
