Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
