Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
