Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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