Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
