I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
