wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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