He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Someone shattered a urinal.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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