now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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