Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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