Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
