if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
