I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
