I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
this beer tastes like vomit already
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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