The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
