its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
