Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
