no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Randomize
