Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
