So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
