The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
