ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
