i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I am one with the molecules
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
