I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
